Adventures at Walmart
by jeaniebeanie245
Summary: Bella's being babysat by Emmett when she takes a trip to Walmart. They do some hilarious stuff and then get chased out. It was a one shot but now its two chapters and it's completed! Please read and review!
1. I'M GOING TO WALMART!

**Ok I know there are a few stories about pranks at Walmart but I didn't copy it I promise! My bff (mjdanny) and I coincidentally had the idea so I gonna give some credit to her for some of the pranks in here. **

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_Bella…_ I heard the words faintly in my peaceful slumber. _Bella…_ This time it got a little louder. _Bella…_ Once again I could hear my name only a little louder than before… _BELLA!_ I shot up from my bed and landed on the floor. I groaned as I tried to blink away the sleepiness that overpowered me. Whoever yelled my name better be getting ready for some butt kicking pain. I looked around wearily for the miscreant and discovered my boyfriend's brother Emmett shaking with silent laughter. I gave him the nastiest glare I could give him but that made him laugh even more.

"What are you doing in my room?"

"Well Edward as you know is _busy _today so I was given the job of baby sit Bella."

"Oh joy."

"I know! It's going to be so much FUN!"

I sighed. Why did Edward have to help Carlisle at the hospital where I dare not enter because of my problem with blood? And why did he have to leave me here with _him_? I sighed again and got up to get dressed. I looked at Emmett expectedly. He just sat there with a big goofy grin and looked like he was in la-la land.

"Emmett!"

"What?"

"Snap out of it and get out!"

"Why?"

"Cuz I have to change!"

"And…?"

That's it! This perverted jerk is going down! I used all the karate skills I had (which is none) and kicked him in the stomach. Owch. Try kicking a ton of marble and you'd know how I felt. I bit back tears as I nursed my poor injured foot on the ground. I don't think Emmett even felt it.

"That wasn't very smart."

"Yes thank you for pointing that out."

"You're welcome"

I rocked back and forth on my butt cradling my foot. You can guess how stupid it made me look. Emmett sat on my bed looking at me in my stupid pose trying not to die of laughter. After a while, the pain receded and I stood up and glared at Emmett.

"What? It wasn't my fault you decided to kick a vampire in the stomach."

After another minute of evil looks and heartless glares, Emmett decided I wasn't very good entertainment anymore.

"You're boring. I'm going downstairs to watch TV."

I sighed with relief as he went downstairs. I quickly changed into shorts and a comfy tee and washed up. I headed downstairs to eat breakfast. I opened the refrigerator and found nothing to eat. I opened the pantry and found nothing edible. I opened all the cabinets and drawers in the kitchen and you guessed it, nothing. There was no food in my house. Nope, nada, zip. I sighed and grabbed my keys. I walked to the front door muttering grumpily about no food.

"Hey! Where do you think you're going missy!?"

"Walmart."

"Ooh! I wanna go! That place is so much FUN!"

"No."

"Yes!"

"No."

"Yes!"

"No!"

"YES!"

"NO!"

"OH YES, I'M GOING TO WALMART AND THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT!"

Laughing like an evil hyena, he grabbed my keys and ran at inhuman speed to the red truck.

"EMMETT CULLEN, YOU GET THAT GIGANTIC BEHIND OVER HERE NOW!"

Still laughing like an evil hyena, he started the engine. Thinking about all the innocent bystanders and Walmart employees that might be forced to be part of the FUN Emmett was going to have made me climb into the car and slam the door shut just as Emmett floored the accelerator. Whooping like a drunk hobo, he drove as fast as the truck would allow him (sixty mph) to the nearest Walmart. He screeched to a stop at an empty stop and jumped out. He ran to the entrance looking like a little kid running towards Toys R Us. I tried to follow as fast as I could without tripping. Once we were inside he turned to me.

"What do you need to buy first?"

"Tomato sauce, I'm going to make spaghetti for dinner."

"Yes!"

He grabbed a cart and excitedly headed towards the aisle with sauces. As soon as we got there, he grabbed a can of tomato sauce and announced he had to go to the piddly diddly department. (aka restroom) Ignoring my look of disbelief, he casually walked toward the bathroom. He looked innocent enough except for the can of tomato sauce that was steadily dripping red content onto the floor in his hand. I smacked my head and wondered how Rosalie put up with him. After a minute he came back without a can.

"You know, you just stole a can of tomato sauce."

"Technically no, I didn't. I didn't take it outside of the store without purchasing it."

With that, he grinned maliciously and walked to the electronics section, ignoring the employee who swore grumpily when he discovered that the trail of red substance led to the bathroom. I shook my head followed Emmett.

"So what are we doing here?"

"You'll see."

He walked to the aisle with alarm clocks and checked to see if anyone was watching. When the coast was clear, he began moving with inhuman speed. After a few seconds of blurry arm moving, he announced he was finished to no one in particular and pranced to the camping section that was right in front of the aisle of alarm clocks. As soon as we left the aisle and alarm clock went off. I saw an employee turning the alarm off without suspicion. But I knew better. Emmett and I sat in a tent that was facing the aisle, and enjoyed the show. For the next half hour, alarm clocks went off at five minute intervals. The same stupid employee came and turned off the alarms getting more and more frustrated with each alarm. A few shoppers noticed and we told them they could join us if they brought pillows from the bedding department. So we sat in the tent with a few other random shoppers watching the employee. We all guessed what the employee would do the next time an alarm rang. It was hilarious. We ended up getting kicked out of the tent when the employee noticed us watching her. The expression on her face was enough to make us crack up and fall over in front of the tent. She threatened to get security so we walked off chuckling.

"So what are we doing next?"

He was about to answer when the intercom came on.

"_The owner of the red Mercedes is needed at the front office. You're car is being towed away because you parked at a handicap parking spot. Please come to the front office to pick up your fine."_

While this was being said, Emmett was on the ground in a fetal position.

"NO! NO! It's the voices again! NO! I DON'T LIKE THE VOICES. NOoOoO!

An employee cautiously walked up to Emmett.

"Sir, do you need any help?"

"NO! Why can't you people leave me alone? Why can't you understand? I know I'm not like all the other little boys and girls! So leave me ALONE!"

He sprawled face flat onto the floor and shook with "sobs". By then, I was on the ground too, only I was shaking with laughter. After a minute of shaking on the ground, Emmett suddenly got up and cheerfully skipped away. I staggered with a hand over my side trying to stop the laughter to follow him. I took two big gulps of air and tried to keep a straight face because everyone was looking at me like I was a prostitute in the shape of an elephant. We ended up in the toy section in front of the big rope cage thingy with huge, red bouncy balls in it. Emmett took one and tossed it to me. He grabbed another one and threw it at the ground yelling,

"PIKACHU I CHOOSE YOU! GO PICKACHU!"

He then looked at me expectedly. I looked around and saw all the random people staring at us like we were walking around without wearing pants. I shrugged my shoulders, knowing that everyone thought I was a freak anyways and threw my ball on the ground.

"GO SQUIRTLE!"

"NO! PIKACHU IS AN ELECTIRC POKEMON. YOU SHOULD HAVE CHOSEN A ROCK POKEMON."

I turned around to see a seven year-old, holding onto Pokemon cards like they were his life, I tried really hard not to laugh in his face.

"I'm sorry. Squirtle and Pikachu are the only Pokemons I know."

In the corner of my eye, I saw Emmett kneeling over with laughter and the stupid employee from the alarm clock aisle with two security guards. I grabbed Emmett and we fast walked to the exit. As soon as we were out of Walmart, we ran for it. I threw opened my truck when Emmett was putting the keys in. As soon as I slammed the door shut, we screeched out of the parking lot. As soon as we pulled up to the driveway, we cracked up and howled with laughter. After a few minutes of laughing, I noticed someone was standing outside my truck. I turned and saw Edward, with a huge grin and happiness in his eyes. I threw open the door and launched myself at him. I wrapped my arms around him and gave him a big squeeze. I looked up and he asked,

"Did you have fun?"

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**Now review **


	2. A second Attempt

**OMG!! THANK U SO MUCH FOR THE REVIEWS!! ILY GUYS!! And because there are so many other hilarious things u can do at Walmart, I decided to write a second chapter. I hope you guys like it! REVIEW!!**

**Previously: **

_In the corner of my eye, I saw Emmett kneeling over with laughter and the stupid employee from the alarm clock aisle with two security guards. I grabbed Emmett and we fast walked to the exit. As soon as we were out of Walmart, we ran for it. I threw opened my truck when Emmett was putting the keys in. As soon as I slammed the door shut, we screeched out of the parking lot. As soon as we pulled up to the driveway, we cracked up and howled with laughter. After a few minutes of laughing, I noticed someone was standing outside my truck. I turned and saw Edward, with a huge grin and happiness in his eyes. I threw open the door and launched myself at him. I wrapped my arms around him and gave him a big squeeze. I looked up and he asked,_

"_Did you have fun?"_

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I looked up at his gorgeous face and smiled.

"Guess."

With that, I smashed my face onto his cold marble one. We had a make out session until Emmett cleared his throat.

"This is all touching and I regret interrupting but I think Bella needs some food."

To prove his statement, my stomach growled. Emmett grinned maliciously.

"I guess that means we have to go to Walmart again…"

The three of us climbed into Edward's Volvo and shot off towards they place me and Emmett loved so very much. Instead of screeching into a parking space like last time, Edward calmly parked and we walked inconspicuously into Walmart. I breathed a sigh of relief when security guards didn't grab us as we walked through the entrance.

"I'm guessing you're going to need some cereal."

Edward grabbed a cart and wheeled it towards the aisle with cereal. I glanced behind me and saw Emmett pushing two more carts.

"What are you doing?

"I have a lot of stuff to buy…"

"Of course you do."

"I knew you would believe me!"

Without another word, he skipped up to the costumer service and rang the little bell at the counter. The employee turned around and jumped in surprise. His huge body was a little intimidating compared to the small employee.

"May I help you?" he asked timidly.

"UH DUH! I want a big mac and a number seven, a large diet coke, and some fries please."

The employee started to say something when Emmett cut him off.

"Oh and I want it to go."

"Ummm… I'm sorry but I can't give you any of that. But maybe you should try McDonalds…"

"It's because I'm gay isn't it? I expected this from Walgreens but not Walmart. People who are gay are just like everyone else you know. You disgust me."

Emmett turned smartly on his heels and marched over to me. One look at the employee's face and that set me off. I laughed so hard that I almost fell over. Emmett and Edward were the same and together we staggered to the cereal aisle. I threw a box of Lucky Charms in the cart and we continued shopping for the next twenty minutes without pulling a prank. When I was finally finished, I turned to Emmett and Edward and asked,

"Do you guys need anything?"

Emmett replied,

"Oh yeah, I wanted to get some camping stuff and I need some… personal things…"

So we headed off to the camping department. First we stopped at the fishing aisle and Emmett examined some rods.

"This one looks sturdy enough…"

He cast the fishing rod over into the next aisle and we all heard an ow. He reeled in the line and guess what he caught? A box of condom. Yup, we fished at Walmart and caught a box of condom. Interesting isn't it? We peeked over the aisle and saw Mike Newton (a guy that had a major crush on me) looking like a lobster with blond hair. His face was deep red, almost purple, and he was shaking. We ducked down before he saw us and howled with laughter. We all fell on the ground and rolled around laughing while shoppers looked at us like we were orange octopi. When we finally got up, Emmett told us that he had caught from Mike the personal thing he had to buy. Edward and I looked at him with disgust written on our faces as wrong images popped into our heads. He looked at the box of condoms and said,

"There's only five condoms in here, I'm gonna have to get some more."

He tossed the box into one of his carts and wheeled off to the aisle with condoms. Edward and I reluctantly followed while we tried to get the images out of our heads. When we got to the aisle, Emmett tossed five boxes of condoms into the cart.

"Why do you need more than 25 condoms?

"I don't. I'm going to use it to inspire some people."

He bounced away and we followed him with wary expressions.

"Hey I have to get a present for Rosalie so we need to go to the lingerie section."

Edward and I exchanged disgusted faces and continued following Emmett. As we passed an elderly man, Emmett secretly tossed a box of condoms into his cart. By the time we reached the lingerie section, he had tossed one into a elderly woman's cart, a couple of lesbians' cart (don't ask how we knew they were lesbos), and a teenage girl's cart. We all tried very hard to keep a straight face. Emphasize on TRIED. At the lingerie section, Emmett inspected a black frilly thong and with a nod of contempt, he stuck it on his head. Then he picked up the skimpiest, pinkest bra and tossed it into a cart. He marched boldly out of the section; ignoring all the weird looks he was given. Then he headed into the women's clothes section. He hid in a rack of fish net tights and instructed us to stand unnoticeably away from the rack. After a few minutes, an old lady came and browsed through the rack. Then a deep voice said

"Me! Me! Pick me! I'll seduce the old man!"

Terror dominated the old woman's face and she scurried away without another glance. This happened a few more time with a chubby teen looking desperately for an XXXL, a middle aged woman, and a girl that dressed very revealingly. The three of us laughed our heads off until the old woman came back with security guards. We walked quickly to the exit forgetting our carts. We fast walked out of Walmart and into the Volvo. While dying with laughter, we sped off to home, forgetting about the food we were going to buy for the second time.

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